


What happens now?

by DWrites



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23380516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWrites/pseuds/DWrites
Summary: A timeline where Cassandra is never healed and time catches up to her.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	What happens now?

Cassandra Cillian knew her time would be shortened. Maybe not significantly, not tragically, like in other cases. But shortened nonetheless. And not only that, but her life had been significantly reduced of risk, although that was not by her design. But then, she found the Librarians. She found out magic was real and found a family. And yet, Cassandra knew everything would eventually end. She was a part of an intelligent team that helped save the world. And what made her so valuable was just that: her intelligence. Her knowledge of science and math, her memory, everything that was stored in her brain. 

Her brain. Her gift and curse. The brain tumor. Ezekiel still calls it a brain grape, and Cassandra doesn’t have the heart to tell him it’s larger than a grape now. She did have the option to undergo treatment, although the doctors said it would only prolong the inevitable. The treatment was risky. There might be substantial damage to her brain, and impair some vital functions. All Cassandra had was her brain. All she was was her brain. She couldn’t risk messing it up for the slight chance of a couple more years. 

If there’s one thing Cassandra doesn’t want to be, it’s useless. She knows that the tumor will start impairing her daily functions, and will effectively prevent her from helping on the missions. And that thought kills her. She finally finds a job and a place that she loves, people she loves, and it can’t last. Of course, Librarians apparently die off very quickly, anyway. Due to missions, of course. Not brain tumors.

That was when the slightly foolish idea came into Cassandra’s mind. What if she died heroically during a mission? Saving a teammate, saving an artifact, saving the world. The idea stayed in Cassandra’s mind for a while, until it became clear that she needed to act. Her senses were getting even more mixed up than normal. She couldn’t place certain things, and she felt like she was starting to lose control. And that was something she didn’t want. She gave herself control the moment she decided she would choose the day she would die. She would control her death, not some tumor in her brain. And she wanted to die as a Librarian, smart and willing to sacrifice herself for the greater good. She didn’t want to die once all of her senses were jumbled together and the world didn’t make sense anymore.

And thus, Cassandra became reckless during the missions. She would run into danger, attack the bad guys, and always try to be in the fight. One time, she went flying into a fight with a samurai and almost got stabbed, if it weren’t for Jake and Ezekiel. Jake had swiftly intercepted the samurai, and knocked him down, and Ezekiel pushed her out of harms way. They were all fine, but Cassandra knew that she would be in trouble for doing that.

Predictably, Eve had a talk with her, sitting her down in a quiet room at the Annex.

“Red, what is going on? You’re being reckless.” 

“I’m being a soldier. You’ve trained us to be soldiers, Colonel,” Cassandra reminded her.

Eve fixed her with a hard look. “I trained you to be tactical and know the basics in a fight. And you’re the one who made a point about not being a soldier. Besides, if one of my NATO soldiers ran recklessly into fights, I would be having this same conversation with them.”

Cassandra nodded, head down. She knew she could not look Eve in the eyes. 

Eve sighed, “From now on, you’ll be in the Annex, working with Jenkins and Flynn. No more field duty until you get this under control.”

“No!” Cassandra exclaimed before she could stop herself. She knew Jenkins and Flynn would catch on to what was going on with her (honestly, they probably already had). Eve looked at her with a face that was equal parts confusion and worry. She didn’t say anything, so Cassandra hurried out of the room to go behind a bookshelf. 

For days, Cassandra avoided everyone. They all tried to talk to her, but she didn’t want to listen. She holed up in her private chambers, feeling like she was going to explode. Or implode. One day, Jenkins came by and knocked on the door. He said he knew something was wrong and he could help, to which Cassandra exclaimed through the door:

“What do you know?! You’re immortal!”

With that, she dissolved into tears and just laid in her bed until the door opened and shut quietly. It was Jake.

“How did you get in?” Cassandra muttered, sitting up on the bed.

“Ezekiel,” Jake replied, sitting next to her. “What’s going on, Cass?”

Cassandra looked at him long and hard. “Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

“I want you to tell me.”

Cassandra took a deep breath. “It’s getting worse. And it’s noticeable each day now.”

Jake put an arm around her. “Hey, we’re here for you. You’re a part of our team.”

“Really? Even when nothing makes sense anymore? When I need constant help to make it through the day?! When you all need to become my caretaker?!”

“Shhh,” Jake said softly. “Cassandra, we’re your family. We love you. We’re not going anywhere. It doesn’t matter that you’re sick.”

“Yes it does! Because that’s all I am! My brain! My intelligence! And without it, I am nothing!“ Cassandra burst into tears and was engulfed in a hug by Jake. 

“You’re more than just a brain,” Jake whispered to her. “You’re more than just your science and math skills, more than your synesthesia. You’re colorful clothes and cheerfulness, with a head full of very red hair. You’re excitement and happiness. You believe magic is wonderful and the world is good, and you’re optimistic about the future. Yeah, you can spout numbers and facts, and that might change soon. But your presence will never change, and your place in our hearts will never change.”

They stayed like that for a while, just hugging in silence.

Eventually, Cassandra was ready to talk to everyone. They went and sat around the table at the Annex. Jenkins, Flynn, Eve, Ezekiel, and Jake, who refused to let go of her hand. Cassandra took a deep breath and spoke about what was going on, how the tumor was getting bigger, how the symptoms were getting worse. After she was done, they all sat in silence for awhile.

Eve was the one to break the silence. “We’ll take care of you,” she said, firmly.

Cassandra shook her head, “I don’t want to be a burden.” 

“Taking care of a loved one is not a burden,” Jenkins stated.

Cassandra smiled sadly, and wiped away some tears.

Flynn’s face was somber, but he nodded along to Jenkins. “You’ve helped the team, now the team helps you.”

“But . . . when it gets really bad . . . I don’t want to . . . ” Cassandra broke off.

Jenkins and Flynn shared a glance. Jenkins leaned in and put his hand on hers. “When you feel like you’re ready for it to be over, we will be there for you too. And, trust me, I will make sure everyday from now on is as painless and manageable as possible.”

Cassandra was fully sobbing now, but she was able to stammer out a “thank you.” Jake helped her up and back to her room. 

And a decade later, when it became too much, when Cassandra was too far gone and in too much pain, she let it be over for her, surrounded by her family, in the place she loved.


End file.
